If I could kill you in my thoughts, my mind would run as red as Cain’s;
I’d have my fill of all I’ve fought — then blindness quickly spreads the stains
that penetrate the minds of others, lost in blindness, so alone,
and violate their sense of peace by smothering a peace thought known.
My thoughts are filled with countenance relating to my slaughter —
why? Because I set my thoughts anew and change them into water.
Their purity is self-contained and lies sincerely to itself;
there is no cure that will remain once I decide to hide myself.
Then, deep within, what I deem right will warp and twist like molten metal,
bringing out the worst in me without a chance to clearly settle.
No prediction can achieve an accurate or valid vision
of infliction from the murder, or encumbrance in decision.
Find me, then, in this state confined, and kill me if you think you can;
you’ll see that when you reach my mind, I’ll fill you with what you began.
Warping me was what you sought; seen inside my head, you spread your lies,
wound tight, creating mischief wrought with pain — soon plotting your demise.
No one will attempt to hear your muffled screams outside desired;
they’ll manifest contorted sighs, like when you lit my heart on fire.
But what’s left after battle allays, and baneful thrashing has ceased?
Perhaps theft of mind’s peace has tarnished the soul, awakened the beast.
Once supernal dust clears, with a whispering thought, from the ashes,
the brain is unknowing of how badly the final end clashes.
I told you before that you could not and would not control me;
my bold truth abhors flat rues that could not and would not extol me.
The actuation of my strength lies inside my faithful thinking
of starvation to your soul, from all the pain you stand in, sinking.
The greatest pain of all lies deep within the core of the dispute:
that once you moved on, you found it fine to leave me for the hot pursuit
of someone else that broke the chain of all the love that I had found —
so, left here wounded in my mind, I try to wound you, void of sound.
Your pain is what slowly settles my pain — insane — that restlessness is settled by this reign of chaos in my mind. Just go away; leave it all behind.
author’s noteThe angriest and saddest I've ever been. I wrote this after being betrayed by someone I had trusted for over a decade.
Reworked in 2025 as “Murdered Mind.”
Reworked in 2025 as “Murdered Mind.”